Getting Over High School- Makeup Girl

At my Grandfather’s funeral, a tall handsome man approached me. “How the hell have you been?!” he asked me as he extended his hand. I was so surprised to see my old neighbor Mike. He was the older brother of my friend Chris who had been part of my life since the 5th grade. Chris was the first boy I played truth or dare and spin the bottle with. When we were paired up to go into the closet he would make a ruckus and make it sound like we were going crazy in there. He always Handled awkward situations with humor. Now that I think about it he really reminds me of Jim Carey. He even looks like him a little. I have not seen Chris in years. I would love to reconnect. Seeing Mike brought back all these forgotten memories. He was at the funeral because he had so loved my Grandpa. Of course they knew each other from the bar : )

So that was the first event that brought me back to high school. Then on facebook an old friend contacted me and brought me back in time. It was great to hear form her. Then I heard my sister talk about how she visits the site classmates.com. She really likes it. She thought it was fun to look up old classmates and see what they are up to. I thought I guess I’m ready to revisit those old friends and not so nice people. Maybe they were grown up now- maybe I could feel better now that I am older and let those awful years go.

It’s been 22 years since I left the institution of high school and it’s memories are still pretty fresh. To say the least I hated – absolutely hated it. It was torture but looking back I know a lot of it was self inflicted. I wish I would have gone to school in the mid to late 90’s instead and I say this because the extreme styles of the 80’s made me go to extremes, I wanted to be anything but ordinary and believe me I was not ordinary. I was constantly teased about my red hair so I tried to bleach my hair blonde. I actually thought dried out cotton candy feeling, brassy blonde hair was better than what I was born with. Oh, did I mention the perms? Then there was the makeup and lord did I get teased about that. I remember the first time I wore a little mascara to school – I was in 6th or 7th grade. I got many compliments on how pretty I was and I liked being noticed. But that’s where everything went wrong in my head. My thoughts were-well if I look better with a little mascara I must look hideous without it. Then a little became a little more makeup until I looked like a living Barbie. I say a Barbie because I got called that often. Although I was a bad version of her but just as madeup and fake. I thought I was so ugly and I tried to cover up with makeup. People ofetn got the wrong idea and did not realize I had what I think was body dismorphic disorder. Highschool was painful – I was teased constantly. Before my makeup obsession it was the red hair that got me a daily comment (good and bad) now I was getting teased all the time. I was afraid to walk down the hall in between classes because their were a handful of kids that were my main tormenters. They would call out remarks in front of everyone and I would die a little inside. It really left a mark. Here comes: makeup girl, pumpkin face, cat eyes, cover girl, makeup girl, who punched you in the eyes, look who has been swimming in makeup again, and on and on. I remember my friend Chris (who I mentioned earlier) kindly brought me his mother’s lighted makeup mirror. He said his mom did not use it and wanted to know if I wanted it. I know he was subtlety hinting the lighting would help me apply the makeup with not such a heavy hand. What a great guy. My mom would try to work with me and show me how to apply makeup for a more natural look. She would threaten to ground me if she saw me with a lot of it on. It was a constant struggle.

I know you are wondering why didn’t I just stop wearing so much makeup. I have a hard time explaining why. I hated how I looked and I was trying to hide behind it. I tried for a more natural look but when I looked in the mirror I thought I looked awful. With makeup I did not have to show the real me. It’s so hard to put into words…I know I had some sort of disorder.

So do I still have a problem with makeup now? Yes, but not nearly as bad. I’m not afraid to let others see me without it. I typically wear it when I’m out and about but not always a fully made up face, just a little mascara and lip gloss. I still think I look better with it on. When I’m out in public I do not look in mirrors to freshen up. Who cares? I am who I am, and if I do get in front of the mirror I usually get bummed out so I’d rather not know how I look. I have more confidence now but the past has hurt me and it has been difficult. Oh and I have my natural hair back and no more perms : )