Facebook, Myspace - love it

When I first signed up for a account I thought I might be too old to be at this social networking place. What changed my mind was that many of my friends were already using the site and they are the same age as me. I even found aunts and uncles of mine!  Once I started I became addicted. A cousin of mine told me to slow down kiddingly. I was adding so many photo’s and applications it was too much. It was so fun  connecting with friends, family, old coworkers, I even made some new online friends. It’s so nice to see what everyone is up to-I don’t have to wait til Christmas or some other event to catch up. I’m learning so much about the people in my life that I didn’t know. Some do photography others play sports, these are things that have never come up. It’s great connecting with people who share the same interests as myself. I’ve been able to post my art and landed a few jobs through it.  I’ve also  found quite a few “Pug nuts” out there. I can’t believe how many are also graphic designers! We must be a special breed

I have learned you have to be careful what you post. My daughter became extremely upset with me that I was sharing our trials with her scoliosis in my blog. I’ve since promised not to blog about her. (well this is the last time.) I also try to avoid looking at all my younger facebook friend’s party pics (drunkfests-underage drinking) I don’t want to know. Don’t get me wrong I’ve been just like them but I don’t think they want me checking that stuff out.

After being on facebook I found many people also had a myspace page. I connected with even more people there. Although there seems to be a lot more explicit stuff over on that site. yuk. Then I found wordpress and I love blogging here. I just ramble on and it is an outlet for me. I know no one gives a rip what I have to say, it’s more for myself.  (like a journal.) I’ve also found a local site that is mostly just people in my area, blogging and making friends, it’s great. I think everyone should get on these sites. It’s a great way to stay connected.

2 Weeks Down

Well it’s been just over 2 weeks since I jumped on the health wagon. I still don’t know what my weight is - I’m not ready to hop on the scale just yet (maybe next week) but my jeans are getting a little looser so I know I’ve lost something 

I have stayed away from the bad carbs and only had one minor binge. One Friday night I had a glass of red wine which made hungry and I had 4 sugar free popcicles, a chicken breast, sugarfree jello and whip cream and 2 pieces of string cheese (all at the same sitting.) No bad carbs though : )

The big component to this weightloss is exercise. I joined lifetime fitness. It is a bit intimating, there are so many “fit” people there, but there are others just like me who are just beginning.  It is not exactly in my budget but I justify it because now that it is summer my kids will have the opportunity to use the water park. My daughter and I enjoy swimming together. We share a lane and go in opposite directions. when we meet in the middle and make funny faces underwater and laugh at each other. We have our swim goggles on. I feel so good when I workout, those endorphins are amazing! I like feeling slightly sore the next day because I know I’ve been doing something good for my body and mind.

 

Dog Lover

Man, people love their dogs. I know I’m one of them but I’m amazed at the amount of money people will spend on their dogs above and beyond vet bills. I guess if I had that kind of money I’d spend it too. Working part time at a Pet Resort ( fancy name for boarding kennel) I see first hand how much people spend on boarding, daycare, grooming, clothes toys, and more. Some of these dogs come in with nicer bedding than I have on my bed. They have tote bags with their name embroidered on the front, train cases with fancy dishes inside. They come in wearing coach collars and hand knit sweaters.There are doggy birthday parties with doggy bakeries for a cupcake. (I’m guilty of the birthday party, I sent out special doggy invitations and thank you notes.)

I even sent out a New Puppy announcement : )

When I first brought my pug home as a puppy, people would flock to him. It made me happy to see how many smiles he put on people’s faces. There is nothing cuter than a puppy (in my opinion.) Some might disagree and say a human baby but I’m not in agreement.

Dogs mean more to owners than ever before. Now a days it seems that some couples have decided to forgo having children and have a four legged baby instead.

I don’t want to start the debate of dog people vs cat people. Cats do have a lot to offer too but they have never put me high up on a pedestal like my dog has. So as you can tell I’m a dog person. This quote explains it all for me:

“Dogs have Masters and Cats have Servants”

I love the unconditional love I get from my dog. After my divorce he really has been there for me in difficult times. He makes me laugh when I don’t feel like laughing, and is a warm body next to me at night.

This entry is dedicated to Oswald- My best friend

Corny, I know

The Money Will Follow…

“Do what you love and the money will follow.”

The saying is “Do what you love and the money will follow.” Is this true? I make some money doing what I love, but not consistently enough to pay a mortgage. Should I turn what I love to do into a hobby for a little extra cash and get a “Real” job (9 to 5, sitting in a cubicle.) Or can I just accept being a starving artist?

As an adult I’m still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.

One Week Down-Sneaky Carbs

I think it’s been  one week since I’ve been eating well. I feel better but not necessarily thinner. I’m following the South Beach Diet which makes  a lot of sense to me. Limiting bad carbs is the idea behind this diet.  Although I don’t think cutting out fruit is the best thing, but it’s only for 2 weeks. Typically when I stay on a good eating plan I start feeling thinner by now. I thought I’d better double check exactly what I’ve been eating. So here’s what I found out. Every day my treat was to go to Starbucks and get a iced coffee with sugarfree vanilla and nonfat milk.  Although the diet suggests stay away from coffee it is not forbidden. I love this drink! I sip on it all afternoon and it keeps me going. Coffee typically had little or no carbs but after going online and reading the nutritional content of my iced coffee I found out it has 21 carbs in a serving. On top of that I was drinking what I thought was Diet Pepsi and it turns out it was the real deal. The new can looked so similar to diet I did not notice. So now I know and will do this right. At least I got rid of the food hangovers : )

Can’t Break What’s Already Broke.

Some days I feel just fine (which has been most of the time lately) and then a day like yesterday creeps up on me. Its been lurking, just waiting to pounce. I think I am finished mourning my marriage and then the sadness returns. I don’t like the thoughts I’m having but I know I need to have them- feel them and hope they pass. Because if I ignore them they will only return over and over until I face them and so I let myself go there.

The day started out just fine. Buzzing along on my second cup of coffee sitting at my computer. My most recent Ex gets online (Instant messaging -buddy list) and I decide to say hi. I noticed he had messaged me me last night while I was away from my computer. So really it was him who initiated the conversation. ( I don’t want to seem like I reached out to him first. So I add that part.) We chat - I ask how he’s been and the whole conversation is about his motorbike injury. He then says he has got to get going he is going to the zoo today. That was when my heart sank. I tell him Liv and I had just been there and we had fun- I tell him to have fun too. I honestly did not mean it. I’m terrible.

Why does it bother me that he is going to the zoo? I picture him and his new replacement family enjoying the type of day we use to spend together. I picture his pretty blonde girlfriend and her witty sense of humour. I see him holding the hand of her little girl her with rosebud lips and blonde ringlets. He use to laugh with me and hold my little girl’s hand. I’m jealous and wounded. I hate being this way! I miss those days spent together. I don’t miss him, I miss what we had. My mind wonders:

Will I ever find that again? I’m envious that he has found it.

I try never to compare myself to others but I often wonder about her.

• Why does he think it will work with her? Why did he not try harder with me?

• Does he nit pick at her like he did with me? Is she still up on a pedestal like I was in the beginning? Will she burn out like I did or is she stronger or maybe more forgiving than I was?

• Are they as passionate together as we had been?

• Does he ever miss me? Is he ever nostalgic about us? Does he ever accidentally call her my name?

Why do I even care ? But aren’t these normal feelings to have after going through this? Its part of the mourning process I believe. Soon these feelings will pass. I too will move on. Is it smart to even keep any ties to him? Even if it is just typed words on the computer. I thought I could handel it. He meant no harm in mentioning he was going to the zoo, how would he know it would hurt me. At least he can’t break my heart again… Its already broke. He can only chip away at it.

2 Days Down (feel like Bridget Jone’s diary)

Well, it’s been 2 days since I’ve been eating good again. No sugars or breads and small frequent meals. I have to say I feel much better. No more food hangovers : )

Someone likened my 15 pound weight gain to carrying around 15 pounds of groceries in a bag all the time. My son said  “eat to live, not live to eat.” He said you don’t want to be fat Mom. I said “I can lose weight, you can’t lose ugly” (I heard that comeback somewhere) He thought it was funny and knew I was just kidding. My father is really promoting my new healthy lifestyle. He said he would support me any way he can. He said he would keep bad carbs out of the house. He called me on the phone to say a bad carb just ran across the kitchen but the cat chased it away : )

I’m glad we all have such a sense of humor about this!

I’ve power walked with my dog (he loves it!) and done some free weights. I’m still to scared to step on the scale to see what the actual number is. When I feel a bit thinner I’ll dare look.

Saturday Evening

Olivia & I took these pictures from Buck Hill on Saturday evening.

Good Bye Dairy Queen - you are no longer my friend

There’s Always a Trade Off (Back up Story)

Sunday evening I went to a barbecue. Burgers, taco dip, chex party mix, beans, chips, strawberry shortcake, I had it all. Did I become full? No : (

Here is where the story gets bad… After I left the party I went to the Dairy Queen and order a cheeseburger basket with a large Strawberry cheesecake blizzard. Even after I had already had more than enough at the barbecue. Talk about self sabotage!

Yesterday I had an appointment with my doctor to follow up on the new medication I’ve been taking for my sleep disorder. I no longer have the sleeping problem but now I have a weight problem. I’ve still been extremely hungry and my jeans have become a bit tight. My last appointment I mentioned this to the Doctor. She was pretty confident it was not my medication since it’s a very uncommon side effect. She had me get on the scale, I asked her not to tell me the number just the amount I’ve gone up. She was shocked, I mean shocked. 15lbs. in just under 2 months! We went back to her office and she had a little talk with me. She said I had to get serious about losing weight, at this rate I would become downright fat. She said she did not mean to be insensitive but she felt I just did not care anymore. She suggested I get the book “South Beach Diet” and follow it to the T. I tried to explain to her how hungry I’ve been, is she sure it’s not the medication? She shook her head no. She wanted me to try the diet since it eventually will get rid of my craving for carbs. I should not become ravenous because I would be eating 6 times a day, keeping my blood sugar stable.

So I’m giving this a try. I got online last night to Simon Delivers and all my healthy food will arrive this afternoon. I hope I can gain control!

Did I mention I’m 40?

I’ve noticed that most of my blogs reference in them that I’m 40… I guess it’s something I’m trying to digest and it is not easy.

I feel like my life has passed me by and suddenly here I’am at this age. Life really literally did pass me by with my sleeping disorder and all the naps I took. Thank God I got a grip on that.

So my kids can’t understand why my favorite shows are “The Hills” and “The Real World” on MTV. My guilty pleasures. How can I possibly relate to those twenty somethings. I do relate though, I remember my early 20’s like they were yesterday and I really enjoyed those years. I guess I like re-living them in these shows. Trust me though I’m not trying to be a twenty year old I just like revisiting those years sometimes.

Anyone else out there watch shows that are not age appropriate for you? My one girlfriend has it the opposite way - she is in her late 30’s and her favorite shows to watch are “The Golden Girls” re-runs.